Starbucks, Aliens, and Universal MBAs

Well today was a day like no other.  One I could not have predicted and would not change despite all its bizarre twists and turns.  On this particular day I decided to leave the comfort of my own little home office to work from a nearby Starbucks.  I do this occasionally to get myself out of the house and today I also had to meet up with someone to exchange something.  I chose this convenient location to exploit Starbucks free WiFi and indulge my caffeine addiction.

I left at noon during the lunch hour so no my coworkers would not miss me during the commute.  When I arrived at this popular Starbucks location I was not surprised that most of the tables and chairs were already occupied by patrons.  I found one chair left at a large communal table next to the outlets.  It wasn’t much space but I couldn’t complain.  The gentleman sitting across from me helped me plug in my power cord and thus began an interesting two hours.

I connected to WiFi, VPNed in, and pulled up my next assignment as the man across from me began to dance in his seat and wave at me.  I smiled back and continued to review the document I had just opened.  Only seconds later this gentleman approaches me with a small question, which seemed rather benign.  “Are you Eastern European?”

I looked up puzzled but still trying to be courteous and said, “No sir.”  Had I only known then I would have looked back down and continued my work without a second thought.  However, I did what nice Southern girls do and waited for him to respond back in some small talk.

It didn’t take long after he explained that because my hair was braided he thought I might be Eastern European.  He then shared that he had graduated from Julliard as the first black male ballet student.  Sure, why not.  I don’t know.

“Wow, Julliard, that’s very prestigious.  And the ballet, what an interesting life you must have lead.  Are you originally from Atlanta?” I asked feigning interest out of politeness.

People, at this point I ask you to buckle your seat belts because we are about to embark on a wild journey.  At this juncture he proceeds to tell me that he has been privileged enough to be mentored by the smartest men in the world….including scientists.  Again, sure, why not.

I nod in agreement occasionally glancing down at my computer and flipping through emails as he’s talking. As he begins to regale me with facts about how aliens are landing in Mexico because the US government invited the Galactic Federation Ambassadors for a visit and ambushed them, I sloooowwwwlllllyyy lifted my eyes and rose my eyebrows in utter shock.  Read that last sentence again and I’m sure you too will scratch your head.

Now, he has my attention.  Undivided, somewhat uncomfortable, deer in the headlights attention.  I learned that President Bush and President Obama are cousins.  The CIA is behind 9-11.  The Masons control the country.  The Knights Templar and the Catholic Church are evil murderers.  And so on, however, nothing is quite so fascinating as the below points:

  • The earth is ruled by reptilian aliens that live beneath the Earth’s surface.  These aliens are the bad aliens but the US government has made an alliance with them.  These bad reptilian aliens are shape shifters who can eat humans and drink human blood to look human.  Obama is one.  Since he is related to Bush this makes the statement clearly non-political.
  • Our planet is in a strategic position within the galaxy and the bad aliens want to use it as a military base to launch wars against the other universes outside of our galaxy.
  • Christ is a higher being from another dimension.  He is married with a daughter and lives in that higher dimension.  The reptilians don’t like him because of his superiority so they made up the Bible to defame him.  Really all Hebrew texts are myths created by the reptilians.  In fact, the book of Exodus was stolen from the aliens in the galaxy of Sirius.  They do not like humans because of that.
  • The reptilians live underneath of the earth’s surface.  They have actually hollowed out the earth and have huge underground cities complete with space ships, rail ways, etc.  The government knows all of this and wants to keep it from us because they want us to be poor.
    • The reason for the earthquake on August 22 on the East Coast, well, that was because the aliens nuked an underground military base.  It was the largest, but the CIA was insisting that they move it to Colorado, so the aliens blew it up.
  • What people think are angels are actually code words for spaceship.  The archangels, like Gabriel, that is a mother ship.

I think I’ve made my point.  This went on for about two hours.  There were pamphlets he pulled out to further enlighten me.  With pictures.  People at the table packed their bags and left in protest of our disruption.  The one person beside me was casting me looks and laughing as I continued to listen to stories of the Zionist corruption in the government initiated by the reptilians.  These damned reptilians.

Now I must admit I was torn.  I needed to do work and this was clearly too bizarre.  I felt cornered since I was in his direct line of site and he clearly was not going to give up on an active listener.  The other side of me was getting such immense entertainment out of it, I insisted on reading more pamphlets to get the next juicy nugget.  It also gave me some time to tilt my head down for  a chuckle before I looked back up and asked the next “very serious” question.

After about two hours though, I’m on overload.  The person I was supposed to meet finally showed up and I excused myself to move everything from one car to the next.  I explained to my friend what was transpiring, and gave an SOS signal.  He laughed and I walked back in and explained that I had to go because I needed to return to work now that my friend had given me the box.

“I really enjoyed talking with you.  It was nice to meet you.” I said obligatorily.

“Good luck with your MBA.”, he said, “The universe wants you to have it.”

With probably the most kind and sane statement he could have ended on I stepped away and drove to Dunkin Donuts.  I think after today I am now a solid supporter of the Dunkin Donuts brand.

I had to share this story with everyone just to remind you all, that no matter what the reptilians say or do, the universe wants us to have our MBA.

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4 comments to Starbucks, Aliens, and Universal MBAs

  • Doug P.

    Jordan, you must teach me how to be that patient.

  • Wow, that’s a different level of crazy! I’ve heard all sorts of bizarre things about one world order and such, but Bush and Obama are related AND aliens?

  • Jenny Elroy

    If all the bizarre will come in truth, what are we supposed to do? That’s funny that he mentioned all the conspiracy theories about aliens, Obama and Bush. If I were in your shoes, I would have walked away in a heartbeat after hearing the person talk crazy about stuff like that. But since you are patient, you get to share this story and thank you for making my dawn worthwhile.

  • Kristin Fenik


    That was a fun read. I can actually picture this guy having met a number of people like him but I don’t think I ever had a full two hour conversation. You have probably made his milenium.

    Best, Kristin